Andrew Brown blogs about weddings and funerals, taking off from Giles Fraser’s thought for the day on the BBC on August 4 (go to the 1:48 mark). Frasier argues that weddings are all about the couple. Fraser observes that “most clergy prefer taking weddings to funerals.”

Frasier observes that weddings are supposed to be about the couple putting themselves in the hand of someone else; that’s why it’s a sacrament, but instead they become examples of self-promotion, about being “princess for a day.”

I’ve heard from some other clergy that they much prefer doing funerals to doing weddings, and I’ve often puzzled over it. In part, I suspect that sentiment derives from the level of control one has over the events. It’s much easier to stage-manage a funeral than a wedding. I also suspect that it’s about the clergy role in each. Presiding at funerals is rewarding, the congregation, the mourners need those words of comfort and hope. They need help with their grief.

Weddings, on the other hand, are rather different. Clergy are a necessary prop, part of the venue and decoration, if you will. The day is about and for others. I think it’s partly an ego thing. But I’ve also learned that weddings can be an opportunity to help people reflect on their relationship with each other and with God, and in that sense can be quite meaningful, in spite of everything else going on. But then, when I do a wedding, we do it by the prayer book, and I tell everyone, including the wedding coordinator and photographer, that I’m in control of everything that happens once the wedding party enters the nave (I tell funeral directors much the same thing. (h/t Andrew Sullivan)